Keith Arthur: 1 beaver, 1 tree stump, 1 ruined swim. This is just the start.

I am indebted to The Thunderer, aka The Times newspaper, for highlighting a problem with which some idiot ‘conservationists’ would have us saddled.

A water feature on the Hertfordshire golf course, at Broxbourne so close to the River Lea and the iconic Carthagena Fishery, home to chub bigger than cruise liners, has been ‘ruined’ by a fallen birch tree. Well, not so much fallen as brought down by a beaver.

“Mrs B”, a female of the timber-munching rodent tribe, escaped by: “burrowing under a fence” and during her freedom chewed through the tree, leaving the characteristic spiked stump upright and the mirror-image spiked trunk lying in a lake at the course.

Now this was one beaver in one very short escapade, so imagine if a colony of these Ken Dodd lookalikes was let loose on any flowing river. There are already moves afoot by the EA to reduce what trickle comes along the Thames still further by creating new river channels to ‘reduce the risk of flooding’ yet in other parts of this land, ironically not a long walk from the source of that river, a private individual has been allowed to install a gang of beavers, undoubtedly as safely ‘locked away’ as Mrs B was.

And in Scotland there are plans to introduce beavers imported from Norway into the wild ¬ and possibly wolves, too! This is all because they used to live here before becoming extinct. Well, so did dinosaurs and I’m sure that with DNA and cloning knowledge improving exponentially it will soon be possible to recreate tyrannosaurus rex and stegosaurus to stalk among us.

That won’t be a problem, though, because we’ll all be living in caves to appease the ‘global warming’ zealots ¬ and at least pterodactyls should be able to eliminate cormorants!